


Let's play What If

by Sukugaru



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8748466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sukugaru/pseuds/Sukugaru
Summary: So, there's that scene in Civil War where Ross lays down the law.  What if that scene went a bit different?  And became a lot more ludicrous?





	

"New York. Washington. Sokovia. Lagos." Secretary Ross showed pictures of all four incidents, and the figures on the number of deaths, and the many trillions in property damage. They were some pretty terrible numbers. The team was silent. They knew what was coming.

"And this is what the people are saying."

Ross showed various newspaper clippings, and segments from TV talk shows, and YouTube videos, and choice quotes from social media. It was pretty clear that the public weren't exactly fans of the Avengers at this point.

"It's clear that while the Avengers have been helpful, they are also a problem that is too large to ignore. The governments of the world want oversight. They want accountability. They want to make sure that things like this don't happen again."

"Ooh, ooh, can I play too? Huh? Huh?"

"Stark, what the goddamned hell are you talking about?" barked SoS Ross.

"So, okay, I've done some soul-searching over the whole Sokovia and Ultron thing, but let's play what if! What if the Avengers hadn't been around during the 2012 invasion of New York? Thanks to our friends in the World Security Council, New York would be a giant radioactive crater. And, since the mothership on the other side of the portal wouldn't have been blown up, the aliens might still be attacking!"

"Stark," growled Ross. "Shut up."

"Hmmm... no. Let's say, somehow, amazingly, the WSC and SHIELD managed to defeat the invasion, or at least slow it down to a minor ongoing annoyance. You then have the fact that SHIELD was actually HYDRA, with their Project Insight, to kill any potentially subversive people. Such as myself, Banner, the President, Captain Rogers, and possibly even Mister Rogers and his sweaters. Without Captain Rogers, Romanov, and Wilson around, the truth about SHIELD wouldn't have come out until far too late, and Project Insight probably would have killed about 16% of the world's population. Would that have included you?"

"Alright then, Stark," Ross said smugly, "what about the next incident on the list? That's all you."

"Hm, yes. Guilty as charged," said Stark, for once being uncharacteristically nonhyperverbal. For a couple of seconds, at any rate. "I wouldn't be around, because INSIGHT and all, so perhaps Sokovia would still be around. However, who's to say? Maybe someone in HYDRA would have experimented with Loki's scepter and AI and came up with something similar to Ultron.

"Anyway, so, next was Lagos. Well, without the Avengers around, and with all possible threats to HYDRA gone, HYDRA would have just waltzed right in and stolen off with a highly dangerous bioweapon, with plans to use it who knows where. Possibly they're wanting to use it against the aliens, who are still trying to invade and have sensibly opened their portal above the New Mexico desert. Seeing as all the clever people have been killed by HYDRA, nobody's thought to fire a goddamned nuclear missile through the portal to take out the mothership."

"You're just making this all up."

"No, I'm what-iffing. There's an important difference. So have the Avengers caused harm? Yes. Would it have been worse if we hadn't been around? Oh so much yes. You want oversight and accountability, right? Well, what sort of oversight and accountability do you propose for when an AI has gone rogue and is going to turn an Eastern European city into a world-ending asteroid impact, like, right now? Do you tell the Avengers to sit on their hands while governments debate over who can go where and when and what they're allowed to do?"

"Stark," Ross growled. "Shut the hell up."

"The answer's still no - "

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ross roared. "You can play your silly what ifs all you like! But the world doesn't want the Avengers anymore! If any of you do any of your stupid vigilante shit again, you'll get locked up and I will take great satisfaction in throwing the key into the goddamned Marianas Trench!"

The meeting was interrupted by FRIDAY's voice. "Boss! I hate to break in, but we've got an attack spreading throughout Manhattan! It's giant mechanised flying elephants!"

They got a news feed of, exactly as FRIDAY had said, giant mechanised flying elephants spreading over the skies of Manhattan.

"Sorry FRIDAY, but Ross here says we can't do anything about it. We'll get locked up if we do. CC him with any more of these alerts. He'll know what to do."

Ross was staring at the screen. "Who the hell comes up with giant mechanised flying elephants?!?"

"Some goon," said Tony. "It must be a Tuesday. Flying versions of animals that should never fly are usually on Tuesdays."

"They're better than the laser sharks," said Steve.

"Nah, the UFOs with the hamsters were the absolute worst," said Sam. Everyone gave him a Look. "Oh, come on, guys! All I had was a jetpack and two guns and Redwing! Those hamsters had actual flying saucer UFOs! With armor plating! Handgun bullets did *nothing* against them!"

"GET OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING!" Ross roared.

Tony pointed at the stack of papers under Ross' arm. "That says a whole bunch of governments don't want us to, not until they've deliberated and signed a whole bunch of forms in triplicate. Oh... wait. The spider-dude has shown up."

"What? What spider-dude?"

Ross stared at the screen as a lone figure swung from skyscraper to skyscraper, going higher with each swing, until he'd reached the flying elephants. He started punching everything he could reach, and webbing things he couldn't.

"Of course, once you get to him, he won't be able to do this sort of thing either," said Tony, with a long drawn out theatrical sigh.

"I ORDER YOU, AS FUCKING SECRETARY OF STATE, TO GET OUT THERE AND *DO* *YOUR* *DAMN* *JOBS!!!*"

"Hm. Guys? Show of hands. Does the UN have higher authority over Secretary of State?"

There were a lot of hands. "I think it might," said Natasha. "What a shame. By the way, I think the 'spider-dude', as you call him, might actually be in trouble."

"Quick! Ross! Tell the UN to start deliberating as to if we should help Spider-Dude!"

Secretary of State Ross was turning purple and was too far gone to form actual words.

"Tony," said Steve, quite seriously. "I think Natasha's right. This Spider-man is actually having a lot of trouble. We should stop kidding around and go help him."

"Aw, really? But I was having so much fun!"

On screen, the spider-dude took a particularly nasty hit from an armored trunk and started falling. It was a long way down.

"Shit! FRIDAY! Suit to him, now!"

A lot of things happened very quickly. FRIDAY launched an Iron Man suit, to catch the falling spider-man; Vision went intangible and shot out of the building, also on route to catch the falling hero; and the rest of the team scrambled to the Quinjet. Thaddeus Ross, feeling very very angry and very very stranded, was left alone in the room, watching the footage.

"Giant flying mechanised elephants. Absolutely ridiculous."

The ticker at the bottom of the news feed had switched from "WHERE ARE THE AVENGERS?!?" to "WHY WERE THEY SO LATE?!?" Ross stared at those words.

Ross felt very silly, talking to empty air. "Uh... FRIDAY, was it?"

"Please state the nature of your request, Secretary Ross."

"How much of this meeting with the Avengers was recorded?"

"All of it, as per standard transparency protocols, Secretary Ross."

Well, shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Some months ago I posted a couple of Avengers stories here, vaguely intending to follow up on at least one of them.
> 
> Then CA:Civil War came out. And as good as it was, it kind of broke things. How do the Avengers even recover from that? It kinda killed my enthusiasm to keep writing.
> 
> But then I had a vague idea for this story, and I started typing, and kept on typing as the words kept on coming, and here we are! It helps that Tony is fun and also pretty easy to write.


End file.
